Evan Seinfeld’s life in Tulum, Manhood and Mantorship

Welcome to a captivating episode of Tulum magazine’s podcast, where we delve into the vibrant world of Tulum’s movers and shakers. In today’s episode, Yoli interviews the enigmatic – Evan Seinfeld, a multifaceted musician, actor, and artist, who shares his extraordinary journey to Tulum. Evan’s story is both fascinating and inspiring. He stumbled upon Tulum during a vacation with his ex-wife and immediately felt a magnetic energy drawing him in. Despite not being a “hippie” or overly spiritual, Evan found a profound connection to Tulum’s vibrant atmosphere. Fast forward to today, Evan has not only made Tulum his home but has also become an influential figure in the community. Join us as Evan recounts his transformative experiences, the birth of his book “Mantorship,” and his mission to create a safe space for men to embrace vulnerability and redefine masculinity. If you’re dreaming of visiting or even moving to Tulum, this episode is a must-listen. Discover the magic, the parties, the self-discovery, and the limitless possibilities that Tulum holds. Get ready to be inspired and uplifted by Evan Seinfeld’s incredible journey. Tune in now to Tulum magazine’s podcast and embark on a transformative adventure.

TRANSCRIPT:

Well, welcome everybody back to Tulum magazine and this is our episode

where we talk to movers and shakers in the Tulum area and today, we have with us

Evan Seinfeld and I’m gonna have him introduce himself and we’ll talk a

little bit about what he’s doing here so Evan why don’t you tell us a little bit about your background how did you find yourself in Tulum? You know it’s interesting you know I I I’m a musician an actor I’m an artist a creative person I toured the world with  with my band biohazard for the last 30 years and  was on a long break where I was just

kind of Reinventing myself re-figuring out what I wanted with my life in my early 50s and I came to Tulum on a vacation with my third ex-wife

 and there was magic here there was an energy force here that

you know people who know me I’m not I’m not a hippie you know I’m not like I’m not overly woo-woo right spiritual but

I’m like spiritual rooted in like reality I’m I’m like real talk

spirituality right right Brooklyn style you know and I felt something here I

feel like there’s an energy here I like me here and what happened was I after I left

 Tulum the first time which was about three and a half years ago I want to say it was 2018 or early 20 it was like yeah

it was like my end of 2018 early 2019 and when I left

here I split up with my ex-wife and I began visiting Tulum with my friend Ross

with my son Sammy every year I was coming for my birthday I started meeting

people and making friends and running into people and having these what we call like these Tulum meetings that

they’re not perchance meeting it’s like if you run into the person three times in one day in Tulum it’s like obligatory

you go invite them to lunch or a coffee and you sit down you find out why the universe is connecting you guys and

Tulum’s not for everybody I know plenty of people that came here with a idea of coming here and it didn’t it didn’t

agree with them kind of spits people out sometimes but yeah  I’m happy when I’m here I’m smiling

when I’m here I feel something when I’m at the beach when I’m at a Cenote when I

feel the breeze where I am right here right now in a little private jungle

 and I moved here a year and three months ago

and  I was living in Los Angeles I’m originally from Brooklyn New York

 and  I was 20 years in LA and

traveling a lot for work you know I’m an actor it’s on the HBO series Oz for many years that was filmed in New York a lot

of my work was in LA I got involved in Tech right and build several Platforms

in the adult space that were extremely successful and if you Google Evan Seinfeld  the main

my company was called create media it is called create media I’ve since sold my

adult platforms but I built something called ismygirl.com and something called ismyguy.com and these were like the

leading competitors of only fans oh before the only fans craze right

there are articles and Forbes and Business Insider and

axios and I don’t know CNN Fox News

Vice Rolling Stone Playboy everybody during the during the lockdown of the

pandemic you know they were basically two pieces of news there was what’s

happening with kovid and everybody lost their job and is now doing porn at home yeah

and the Second Story seemed to get more clickbait than the first story so my

phone was ringing off the hook because I was in a successful business that I had bootstrapped everything from the my

partners were  Inked magazine which is the world’s biggest tattoo magazine that

I’ve been affiliated with them for like 20 plus years and  my other partners

on the biggest webcam site in the world is called streamate and they have a lot of tech and I’m kind

of like a DOT connector so whatever I’m doing I get interested in building and creating things and then I like to do

something else right when I left that space I really didn’t know what I was gonna do I said my son

who’s just turned 28. who’s an artist he’s you can look him up on  put throw

up a link Sam Solomon okay or singer guitar player or producer my son who’s

now 28 but the time was about 26 was like you know Dad I know that we’re neighbors and we live close by here in

L.A we hang out all the time he goes but every time you’re in Tulum you’re just happy

you’re just grounded in your self and for me I I’ve lived I feel like I’ve

lived a thousand lives I’ve lived lots of places and

I spent a lot of time traveling but I find connectivity here with like-minded

people who also were just tired of the Matrix and tired of living

an old way yeah you feel not to sound it could sound corny

 there’s always construction noise here in Tulum always and I love it because it’s symbolic of the

Reconstruction that we do with our lives people here to like figure it out people

come here they just got they lost their job they sold their company they retired they got divorced

they had a breakup they just recovered they’re recovering from being sick they

a lot of people just don’t know what to do with their lives and they’re realizing the world has more possibilities than sitting in your

hometown and you know just waiting for something to happen right

it’s a great place to Soul search and I cut two

here we are today in Saloon 2023 I moved here to write a book

and my book is called mentorship and the idea of mentorship is that

I had been through the life of a man again and again I would get married I

would get divorced I would build a company I would company would go successful and be able to go under and

go out of business and I would lose all my money and I would be broke and then I would be rich and then I would be broke

and then I’m you know I’m living in L.A and I’m invited to everything and that I’m

invited to nothing and then we start to I think the biggest problem for

myself and many of us in the world was defining Myself by the things that I had

done or defining myself even worse by the stuff that I had and rather than

defining Myself by who I am and what I love about Tulum is that

you don’t know who it’s not important if you have money it’s not important if you

have a G wagon here but when I lived in L.A before I had a G-Wagon I felt like man I

got to get me a G wagon because otherwise how people are going to think I’m like falling out here how are people

going to take me seriously in in business if I’m not projecting this

image of success and what I like about Tulum is that I walk around in a bathing suit

basically and you know what on Friday night I put my big hat on to let people know I’m a

local so Evan Evan you know you’ve you’ve you’ve done so well what I sent

a hard time describing oh like why to loom you you really described it really

well  the other one of the ironies I found you know you described a lot of people

coming here when you know things have fallen apart when maybe they’re coming

to search yeah yeah you know what if you had to figure

it out somewhere you want to figure out the beach or in Minnesota freezing your your proverbial ass off

what do you want to do and you know this was the this was the

the word that I’m looking for and I love words and I learning Spanish but in

English this this is this was the impetus yeah

of my new life’s purpose I found them I

came here goofing around I’m gonna come here there’s a lot of you know I was I’m

you know it’s my midlife crisis I’m 55 and I got myself in great shape and  I

came to Tulum there’s lots of I have great friends here it’s a healthy lifestyle because I’m a vegetarian and I

work out and I go to yoga and I go to the gym and  and I and I smoked California

weed right  and I moved here I was like why

wouldn’t I want to live here the beach is beautiful beautiful women I have friends here and I came here and I found

it everything I didn’t have I found my new life’s purpose I fell in love here I

have a girlfriend I live in a beautiful place  and and

as an expat here it’s pretty awesome you know  and what happened was

I got about 50 pages into writing my book and the idea of the book mentorship

is that it is a guide that I wrote first for myself and then

to share with other men in becoming honest with ourselves about

the lives we really want not what sounds good to other people and

not what you feel you’re expected to say but really everybody when your house wants you to be a cop but you want to be

a dancer you know if you know you feel that your family

wants you to be a lawyer but you want to be a yoga teacher can’t compromise

your life because it’s the only life you have my book talks a lot about time as

our currency I talk a lot about the beauty of impermanence and embracing the power of change

and I came up with a step-by-step program

to put my life in tune with my purpose or my passion to live my best life to

figure it out to not to continually be figuring it out to figure it out

once and for all how do you get on track right obviously you have to keep recalibrating because you’re changing

the world around you is changing everybody you know it was changing the only thing constant has changed Embrace

that oh you have to move out of your house suddenly awesome

this is the best thing that ever happened to you your boss doesn’t want you to work at his company anymore well

that clearly wasn’t a good fit so don’t be attached to that idea or anything I

often like the the expats of the expats of Tulum and  as the  new children

of Zion you know and I like yes yes yes yes yes but it’s very funny

so about 50 pages into my book I’ve never written a book before I’ve done a lot of things and I do very strongly

possess the power of self-belief which is one of the chapters of my book too I believe that I can do anything I’m sorry

look I’m not a I’m not I’m not like a trained musician and I don’t have the

greatest voice but I sold five million albs in the 90s on on the strength of hard work and

sweat and and being authentic right right  never had a song on the radio

it’s a really interesting stat to be in the millions of anything without commercial like in the underground you

know that’s amazing so biohazard was a big underground heavy metal band but

even getting just a record deal and getting out of the neighborhood it made

me believe everything was possible anything is possible Right  I was like a little nervous because

the things I wasn’t a little nervous I was gripped in fear about my book I was like I wrote like 50 pages am I full of

am I just regurgitating other things that I’ve heard what are these ideas is this am I on to something I

need like a like I need to like a chin check reality check and I invited

all the guys that I knew right here at Bloom so it was like Five Guys from the

gym two guys from yoga and and one guy from the beach and one guy from like a

DJ party right and if I tell you that I said okay guys I’ve

gathered you here today to talk about the ideas in my book and I want to get

some feedback from you guys and I don’t want you to pull any punches and I don’t want you to

 if if it’s bad tell me it’s bad if it’s good if tell me what you like and what

you don’t like right and what happened was

everybody immediately related to almost everything I read and just started

sharing their identifications and going holy I can’t believe you feel the

same way as I feel about this thing and I saw some magic because I’m I was

in AAA for many many years and I always saw a really really different type of

honesty from men when they were in a container where there were only men

right something happens to men when a woman walks into the room it’s

not a cognitive thing it’s they meant to sit up a little taller or their voices get a little deeper are they right they

want to project something they’re now thinking about how they’re being seen

versus just being right and

what happened was at the end of the meeting I said you guys want to come

back next week and I’ll read some more that I’ve written and we’ll see like another topic and we started setting

topics and the format became all right today’s topic is resentment

bring up and and story in the book is resentment is the nber one offenders

it only offends you right who resent me Yoli I don’t even know you resent me

probably and if it’s warranted I certainly don’t care right

because I’m the kind of person that you a sweet woman resents you feel some kind of way I’m some

narcissistic person doesn’t give a in the first place but why are you gonna give your free rent of your energy and

your attention you know to me so I would encourage the

guys everybody put out one resentment they got right now doesn’t matter how old it is your big brother from when you

were five or something your wife did yesterday or the the dude at work or

whoever it is or it’s me yeah I was like just call it out and let’s give it up

today and let’s just say I’m gonna let this go and if if you want next week you can

take it back and you can carry it around in your backpack your Boulders right but we started talking about attachment we

started talking about confidence and magically every week the group started

growing until last Wednesday we had 41 guys here

at my house and we had to break up into separate groups so what mentorship has evolved into

organically with like Tulum using me as like a kind

of a vessel yeah the only I was in the porn

business for 20 years you know when you Google me a bunch of comes up because of how many people click on it

right you know the important things I did in my life is that I’m a father and that I’m a friend and I’m a son and

I’m a man and  I’m a songwriter and I play music and

I’m an actor and I had some very big success in the adult business because my

second wife who I fell in love with was a porn star who was assigned into a

slavery contract and I was forced out of like Duty as a han being to intervene

and I brought my music entertainment lawyers to these schlocky porn people and

and I cleaned house and I got her her I I helped her get her life and her

business straight and it was there that I discovered I was good at business because I just I just I

always knew I had to act for nbers and the Art of a deal but I didn’t really envision myself making big business

deals I just wanted to be a musician or be a rock star really you know

and  so here we have now the circle of Brotherhood every Wednesday in Tulum men

Gather in person share open-heartedly there’s tears there’s hugs there’s a safe container

and we’re addressing the idea that 80 of all suicides are men yeah right because

we don’t talk about our problems we just hold it in we tough it out we joke we we do everything that we

learned how to do that’s toxic you know yeah and it comes out in addictions it

comes out in Rage it comes out in violence it comes out implosion

depression and anxiety and you know and men always like historically men like

seem down on women women are always crying they’re so emotional yeah you’re supposed to be dmy if you’re not

emotional if you’re not rooted in your emotions you commit suicide later that’s what happens buddy so keep holding it in

if you want I’m gonna try to get in touch with my my emotions and my feelings you know right the topic is

emotional and I feel so much and I’m so in my emotions Yoli as soon as I live in Tulum I would like

this you know there’s something that’s definitely something about this place you know

 it does feel like this this to where at just as Hanity

there’s been a lot of  exploration of masculinity and what

what that means and how it’s defined how are you guys you know within your group

it’s incredible that you ask that question because the topic none of the

guys know yet because I don’t give anybody the topic for the meeting until they get here right I don’t want anybody

to think about it I just wanted to come from their heart I when the guys go I don’t know what to say don’t think just

feel just open your start talking just talk talk about how you feel right now

yeah because we’re so used to sharing from

our ego I lived so much of my life you know in a

completely ego-based life and here I you know so along with along

with the month the weekly meetings we have a weekly Zoom meeting for all the people that are not here okay and we

also let the guys zoom in and listen into the in person to illinating and

there’s a lot of really really wise spiritual man woke minded

what does it mean to be a man this is the topic today I’m gonna drop on them

wow what is what is your stepping into 2023 what is your definition of

masculinity for you that you want to project and what is one thing that you want to shed of your masculinity like

like a snake sheds his skin what do you want to step out of it as you snake your

body through it through the branch to 2023 and we’re all transforming you know

in some way so along with the meetings we also have a program to follow to help

put your life on a path to self-development and there’s all this suggested

routines men love routines like my routine is morning meditation

affirmations a gratitude practice that is some days

is beach run and then always to the gym and then to

yoga and then to food and then I begin my work day and my creative day

but like I commit to taking care of myself above work above working even on my own

things yes I want to I want to be the best me I don’t want to I don’t I’ve two

times I had multi-million dollar companies that I built from scratch and my health deteriorating because I wasn’t

sleeping because I was so anxious and nervous and stressed and ended up having

surgery and having to have peace of my stomach removed from the the stress I

guess I don’t know they never really figured out why but yeah I feel like your mind and your body and your heart

it’s all one thing so  what this is evolving into is I’m

building a social network  going to use a lot that I learned in the technology side of the adult

business right because what I’m interested in

Yoli what I’m interested in is community I’m interested in the way we interact

I’m interested in people I love people I really do you

know I grew up in Brooklyn in in the RCA and I lived in Flatbush and you know I when I come from it you know

I’m 55 we didn’t have cell phones we didn’t have a computer right A lot of people a lot of people didn’t have a

phone you know if I wanted to go see Frankie I would go walk over to Frankie’s house

hey Frankie and I would yell from downstairs because I was tired from walking over and I knew his mother would

come to the window because his mother was like a busy body and your friend why are you yelling in the street like a

b I said Can Frankie come down and be a b with me in the street here too

but I love people and I you know I love technology and I love my phone and my computer but it it can take you away

from people it could take you away from yourself so you know I’m I’m on this great path

and my goal is to share this with men through an app called mentorship and share my book and

here in Tulum if you’re checking out Tulum magazine right now  this is a great curation yes look up

mentorship where you can follow us on Instagram at mandatorship official

you can follow me on Instagram at Evan Seinfeld if you want to see a guy having a great life

for full life great is just means happy it’s all it means

I can tell you I I’ve had a lot more money in my life several times

and Never Felt This Good you know it’s not only the bottom line it’s

really it’s here you know sounds like you’re definitely

 on that path  and I have witnessed the Manchester mentorship group myself and it is

absolutely a growing community and it’s it’s impressive and it’s also very Timely I think Evan I think this this is

very timely with what’s going on and and yeah right I mean

on a deeper note like what’s my what’s my goal here you know what’s my goal

with mentorship like why am I writing the book I’m 140 Pages now I’m close I

just want to hand it off to an editor I’m looking for a book editor if you know anybody if you’re watching this I by the time

you’re watching this I hope this book is out and you can get it on Amazon yeah

what I would like mantorships impact on society

is that I want to create a safe container for men to be able to talk

about their problems and their fears it’s really about fear and huge this is

how toxic masculinity you know I grew up in Brooklyn

so toxic I can’t even I won’t I’m not going to tell a single story all I can tell you is this is where it

comes from I was there and I’m very different today and I

surround myself with different type of people today and you’ll you can curate the life you want

you don’t have to live a certain way and it’s okay but what I want to do is

my first Milestone is I want to get a million men having a conversation in real time on on apps in groups of 10

having Circles of Brotherhood everywhere where they can tap in and check in not

only just generally but to have topic groups you’re going to do a breakup here there’s 37 live breakup groups right now

are you feeling insecure about your physical about your body there’s eight groups going on right now are you are

you struggling with  feeling that you’re mad enough because you’re you’re

struggling with financial uncertainty oh there’s 3 000 groups going on right now

I want to create a safe place for men to talk about their problems and hopefully help us all move away from toxic

masculinity towards the new mindfulness the new conscious man and redefine what

it does mean to be a man you know amazing I have no doubt you’re gonna do it Evan

because I met a shaman who said whatever you dream of here in Tulum

you got to be very careful because it’s gonna happen you’re gonna manifest it

was something about it’s really interesting you say that because you got to be sure you want it then yes

a lot of people are afraid they say they want something and when it comes they don’t necessarily really want it you

know yeah you’re so you’re so right Embrace but you know what me I embrace

it all and if it doesn’t feel right you know this is the moment to

I often call it a mentorship moment in in our meetings amongst the men a guy

will be like you know he’ll he’ll someone will say something

and they’ll realize they’re stuck they’ll realize and they’ll have to when you’re saying in front of other guys

it’s like there’s a code of honor a Brotherhood of like accountability like

I’m gonna tell on myself right now because I don’t want to come back next

week and have to tell you I’m still crying about the same you know my boss

is this and I don’t want to stay in this job and I’m like this is the mentorship moment this is the moment to take

control of your life and say is this the job I really want no quit your job and

take all your time right now right now and do something else dive in full speed

whether it’s starting a company looking for a new job taking a break

but don’t sit one extra minute in a situation that’s not aligned with who

you really are and what you want why am I preaching this like I understand it

I stayed about five years too long in a marriage I stayed about 10 years too long in a business  I stayed in some

one-sided friendships too long that were draining me like vampires

[Music] and maybe I work at being free of these things

and if you don’t know what you want it’s okay it’s just important to know what you don’t want so true

Evan there’s going to be some people watching this some men watching this who

are like you know I wanna I wanna go and experience Tulum or might

be thinking I actually want to move to Tulum what would be your advice now that

you’ve been been here a while you know is there anything they can do

to prepare any advice well I what I would just say is

 and not not looking for a plug but we’re

we’re going to be offering mentorship Retreats where men can come down and

have like a week-long experience when they get exposed to all the best things

that we that Tulum has to offer

 and that’s if you’re on the kind of Wellness self-development path and you

must know there’s always Beach and there’s always party yeah  what I what I would tell anybody about if they’re

thinking about moving to Tulum I tell them it’s like women it’s it’s spiritual and Serene but moving to Tulum is like

moving to Vegas there’s a party every night and you have to you got to be like you

gotta have your head on yeah I think your fights carefully because I love you know everybody sees me on Instagram on

my story in the DJ booth at three in the morning I’m a dragon you know and then

they see me on the you know they see me at the gym at you know eight in the morning

I can’t do it very often you know if I want to live my healthy morning life

you know going out you know I would just say pick your poison

once in a while once in a while it’s special they can count thank you so much

Yoli thank you so much Evan for joining us on Tulum magazine